Gracie ponders

Paranoia will eat away at the psyche and your happiness

Don’t let our current situation in 2020 take hold of you and sink you into covid conundrum…

Paranoid is a word that has never been used to describe me. Many of you probably feel the same way about yourselves. So why since March would that be the word that describes many of us??? Paranoia is one characteristic flaw that describes so many of us now. It is an extremely unhealthy way to be and detrimental to mental health.

I know first hand unfortunately how paranoia can eat away at the psyche. It chips away the happiness and mental stability like a sculptor chips away at a sculpture.

I lived with a mentally unstable brother and a father that was also a suspicious man. My brother, that was 15 years older than I was diagnosed at age 23 with by psychiatrists and experts as a paranoid schizophrenic, He was very manic and it led to highs and lows. In the lows he became suspicious, untrusting and he thought many times that people were judging him or laughing at him. What a horrible way to live your life.

I have always been very trusting of people. As my husband has told me many times, I’m sometimes too trusting. I believe wholeheartedly that 80 percent of people are good souls. I have always preferred to live in this mindset instead of looking at people thinking they have an ulterior motive behind their actions. I trust people until they give me a reason not to. We all know that feeling deep inside that throws an alarm up when we are approached or when you get that little feeling that something is suspicious about someone. In the healthy mind however there has to be a few warning signals to give you this natural inkling. In the unhealthy mind, there may be no signals. The unhealthy mind looks upon many as “up to something”.

COVID 19 Spring and Summer could also be labeled the season of paranoia and suspicion. In many of our minds, every unmasked person or person knocking on your door is a big huge virus. A viral monster waiting to attack. This kind of thinking is so bad for our inner peace. Angst of being around people is so detrimental to your happiness, however THIS IS WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW……

I was 8 when my brother moved back into the home because of the paranoia and mental illness that jumped on a remarkably intelligent and unbelievably talented pianist and college grad and husband.

SUSPICIOUSLY SUSPICIOUS

Those words are not how we are supposed to live. But for the past few months all of us are heading down that dark road. We can no longer trust because we are fighting the invisible enemy. Just as most of my brothers suspicions were unmerited. Most people out and about do not have covid 19. But how do we know? How do we act? We all know the guidelines to living right now in this pandemic, and unfortunately this way of germ paranoia will follow us for a decade i feel. I watch movies and tv that showS how we used to be, ie. hugging, shaking hands with anyone, elbow to elbow in lines, sitting next to others on a plane or ballgame. That way of life may never return in our life time. Close proximity that we took for granted may end up to be a thing of the past for a while.

Fourth of July weekend at the beach I saw people everywhere drop the cone of safety or the imaginary hazmat suit they had been walking around in. People gathered, people hugged etc. because I think they were tired of the bubble around them. We are a social people that yearn to be around others.

My niece Page, sent me a text July 2 wanting to come and spend time with my family at the beach. She and my other niece and a friend of theirs were visiting a beach close by and wanted to come for the morning. Any other day at any other time I would have read that message and felt a YAY in my soul, but this time I felt a hmmmm, how should I respond? I want to see them, I want my grandkids and their kids to play together, but what’s best for my family? Ugh. I just hate this. I don’t like the feeling of telling anyone no. I mean we will be on the beach, all that wind blowing. Surely the beach wind will blow the virus away…. What if they are Asymptomatic? What if I’m asymptomatic and give it to them? What if, What if, What if?????????

They came, and we sat apart on the beach, it was great to see them, but I didn’t hug two of my favorite nieces. But i was close up to my nephews On the beach, as if oh they are young its ok. Damn….. its so confusing….

I do believe many of us put our guard down last weekend, to celebrate our nations birthday. We used July 4th as a reason to drop our paranoia of others. It was so nice to Socialize. We went over to some friends house for the fourth, and I woke up the next morning thinking….. was i too close to people, did anyone catch (IT). I wish we could time travel and be out of this. I do not like Gracie pondering over who has it and who doesn’t? I’m a hugger. I stayed with my sister last night, and we couldn’t even hug…..

It just gets to you after a while. I feel horrible for all the people living alone in places like New York City, people that feel they cant even ride down in an elevator to walk around on the streets. All of us just need to do the right thing, and then we will come out on the other side of this.

The definition of Paranoid is characterized by delusions and feelings to the extreme of irrationally distrusting others. overly suspicious . Hmmmm does that sound like our nation right now? Five words opposite of paranoid is where I long for our nation to be able to get back to in relation to being around others. The opposite of paranoid is well-adjusted, rational, sensible, healthy ad calm.

We are in need of many prayers going up for a safe vaccine to eradicate this disease and bring Peace back to the soul .